Stars: Dee Wallace-Stone, Scott Grimes, M. Emmet Walsh
Director: Stephen Herek
What if there were no fluffy mogwai Gizmo, just the mean Gremlins…
Brief synopsis:
A group of prisoner space creatures, called Krites, break out of their ship and head to Earth, projected to land on a farm in Kansas. A couple of faceless bounty hunters as sent to capture them while the family goes about their day, unaware of the danger that is coming their way…
Spoilers below (you have been warned):
Teenage brother and sister Brad and April get into petty squabbles while their mom, Helen, and dad, Jay, keep the peace. Brad is a bit of a troublemaker who makes homemade fireworks and hangs out with the farm handyman, Charlie. Charlie is a former baseball prospect who lost his mind when he started hearing voices in his head. Attempting to drown out these voices, Charlie turned to alcohol and blew his chances at a major league career. He now works odd jobs to make ends meet and usually sleeps in the police station after a night at the bar.
April brings home her new boyfriend, Steve (a pre-Titanic Billy Zane) to meet her parents. Brad and Charlie are playing around with Brad’s slingshot when Charlie accidentally shots April in the ass. Covering for the farmhand, Brad takes the blame and gets sent to bed without supper. After supper, April takes Steve to the barn to make out while Jay tries gets ready for his bowling tournament after taking Brad a plate of food in his room. Brad hangs out with his cat, Chewie, and sees April head to the barn with Steve. Suddenly, he sees what he thinks is a meteor land in their fields. He climbs out of the bedroom window to check it out and runs into his dad who is doing the same thing. They go together to the field and find a spaceship.
Meanwhile, the bounty hunters are on the ship trying to learn about Earth and find disguises for when they land. Bounty hunter Ug ends up taking on the face of rock star Johnny Steele while the other bounty hunter, Lee, cannot find one that likes him. The Krites go on the attack. They kill Steve and a local sheriff’s deputy. They then stalk the family as they huddle in their home. Dad gets shot with a spike that contains a neurotoxin. They remove the spike in time to stop any permanent damage. Lee and Ug come across the dead deputy and Lee’s takes his face, wounds and all. They go to a church looking for the Krites and Lee’s face changes to the reverend’s face. Next, they hit the local bar and run into Charlie. After shooting up the place, Lee’s face changes one more time to Charlie’s. Charlie follows the men out of the bar. Brad escapes the house and runs into the bounty hunters and they all head to his house.
The Sherriff, following up on a complaint of Charlie shooting up the bar, heads out to the farm. After a battle in the house, the Krites that have survived combine into a giant Krite and escape with April to their spaceship. They plan on using her for food as they head to the next planet. Brad drops on of his fireworks into the ship as he and Charlie rescue April. Charlie uses the alcohol he carries with him to create a Molotov Cocktail and throws it into the ship. The fire work goes off and destroys the ship but not before the Krites destroy the family’s house. Charlie flies off with the bounty hunters to start a new life with them and Ug leaves Brad a device to contact them in case the Krites return. As a final thank you to the family, they rebuild the house. Unfortunately, the family does not know that there is a nest of Krite eggs hiding in their chicken coop.
My thoughts (with spoilers):
It is weird how things work out in the film world. Given the success of Gremlins, you would think that Critters is a cheap knock-off but you would be wrong. Critters was actually already written before Gremlins was released and just need fine-tuning before it went into production in 1985. Given that information, you would expect the producers to try and soften the tone, maybe create a monster character for the audience to relate to. Nope, they chose to go full chaos and thank goodness they did. This may not be a great film, but it is a hell of a lot of fun.
The reason for this is the Krites themselves. Demonic hedgehogs, they are almost cute but not quite. They are mischievous and we even get subtitles to see what they are saying to each other in their alien language. They curse and are basic smart asses who we are happy to see get their comeuppance at the end of the film. They have no conscience and do not care about anything but themselves. They are ego run amok. Their only concern when they see a fellow Krite shot or blown up is self-preservation. The creature design by The Chiodo Brothers is perfect and we will be talking about them in a future post when we discuss their feature film debut.
The acting is decent all around. Dee Wallace-Stone is an 80’s icon and she does her best with the basic mom role she is given here. Don Opper is really only known for the Critters franchise and his Charlie is empathetic. M. Emmet Walsh is fun as the put-upon Sherriff who is trying to understand what is happening to his little town. Scott Grimes is still acting today in major roles, most recently as the dad in the TV show Ted. His Brad is a basically good kid who gets into trouble for stupid stuff. He has a good heart, as evidenced by his covering for Charlie, but he still has no problem creating fire crackers and fire works for minor destruction. Terrance Mann is better known for his theater work but does a good job as Ug/Johnny Steele. He even gets to show off his vocal talents with the song “Power of the Night” a straight-up 80’s rock song.
Critters was followed by multiple sequels, one even has the feature film debut of Leonardo DiCaprio, and a short-lived TV series. None of them were as good as the original, although Critters 2 does come close. This could be a fun double-feature with the original Gremlins or simply a stand-alone lazy Sunday afternoon watch.
More films from 1986 to check out:
Crocodile Dundee – Paul Hogan is a fish out of water as an Australian crocodile hunter who follows a reporter to New York City. Probably best known for the “This is a knife” line.
Karate Kid II – Daniel and Mr. Miyagi head to Japan to see Mr. Miyagi’s dying father. Nice addition to the series and has a great Peter Cetera love song.
Labyrinth – I tried to figure out a way to include this film in this blog but it just does not meet the criteria. David Bowie and Jennifer Connolly star in this fantasy film as a young teenage drama queen who has to rescue her baby brother from the Goblin King. Bowie gives his all to the role of the King and the music is amazing with several songs being on my favorites playlist. It is also the last film Jim Henson directed. Misunderstood in its day, this has become a cult classic and one that my kids and grandkids all enjoy.